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The Killer Laundry Tub

The Tale of the Killer Laundry Tub

     One look at this decrepit cement laundry tub and you could feel doom and disaster emanating from it. The “best case scenario” flashes across your mind: It’s lasted for 95 years, maybe it will last another 20. The “worst case scenario” in you quickly counter punches: What if it falls off the wall? What if it falls off the wall at night or while on vacation and rips that old plumbing off the wall? Water gushing onto the floor as if a truck crashed into a fire hydrant; flooded basement, mold, insurance adjusters. Not to mention years of the “Good Stuff” you’ve been storing in the basement now has to be thrown out – so much stuff that you need to get a huge dumpster. As you stare at this agent of doom, tossing your lucky coin in the air, the logical voice smoothly enters your head: Maybe I should call Verne & Ellsworth Hann and have them replace this ticking plumbing time bomb. No more worrying at night or while away from the house. With the added bonus of an actual upgrade to the old basement. You keeping tossing your lucky coin into the air while all three voices in your head have a never ending senatorial debate that leaves your decision making paralyzed. Then it happens, your lucky coin bounces from your grasp and rolls under the decrepit cement laundry tub. You get down on your hands and knees and inch closer to the agent of doom becoming increasingly aware of the primordial scum growing under the tub. The coin has rolled all the way to the wall. But this is your lucky coin we’re talking about, the one handed down from your grandfather by his grandfather. You can’t allow it to disintegrate in the Chernobyl like goo. On your belly now, inching closer. Your fingers can feel it.

     And at that critical moment, the last rusted leg gives way and the cement tub crashes  down on your back, pinning you face first in the Paleozoic scum. The immense weight crushing your shoulders, ribs and head. Your breaths are short. Your life flashes before you.

     Fortunately, you were in week six of your Human Growth Hormone replacement program. First with your forearms, then with your hands, you’re able to elevate the cement beast. Like Atlas with the weight of the world upon you, you’re able to extract yourself from certain death. And you have your lucky coin!

     As you toss the cement tub off your back, the old galvanized plumbing lines break off the wall and both icy cold water and scolding hot water rinse the Chernobyl scum from your face and body. You’re on your knees, arms raised in the air, and like Marlon Brando in “A Streetcar Named Desire” calling for Stella, you start screaming: Call Verne & Ellsworth Hann! Call Verne & Ellsworth Hann! 216-932-9755. They come out and solve your plumbing apocalypse.

     Good thing you had that lucky coin.

     Life is a dream.

What People Are Saying

  • Excellent and prompt service.  The workmen were professional and helpful in their explanation of care and service of the equipment.

    - Charles S.( Cleveland Heights, AC Installation July 2017 )
  • I want you to know how pleased I was with the entire experience.  From the initial meeting with Chris through the installation of my new A/C unit.

    - Sondra S.( Shaker Heights, Air Conditioning Installation July 2017 )
  • Installers were spot on time at 8 am, took care not to track dirt into house, and were both courteous and friendly.  Excellent quality work to boot!

    - John S.( Cleveland, Air Conditioning Installation, June 2017 )
  • I have had several projects from Verne & Ellsworth, across boiler replacements, heating system installation, and air conditioning system set up and install.  Each of these times, Bill Hann takes a ton of his time to talk to my wife and I to learn about the issues we’re having, explain the root causes of those issues, and suggest fixes that we know will prevent the issues from coming back – not just paper over the issue temporarily.  Lastly, he always delivers on time – onsite when he says he will be, fishing when he says he will – and always makes sure every aspect of the job is completed, from material removal and set up, to equipment install, to clean up after the project.  A++ and highly recommended!

    - Mike C.( Shaker Heights, Heating and Cooling, June 2017 )
  • The unit is working very well.  The installers were very professional, showed me how everything worked, and cleaned the basement beautifully.  I would never have even known they were there.  Thank you again.

    - Michelle T.( Wickliffe, Furnace & Air Conditioning Installation, June 2017 )